After Betrayal: Our C.H.O.I.C.E.

Betrayed partners have a lot to be concerned about. From sexually transmitted infections to gaslighting and financial impacts, when we minimize these dangers and concerns as mere emotional “fears,” we imply that simply changing our thinking and feelings can eliminate harm. But we must face our fears by first naming potential threats and then taking action to either reduce the risks or prepare to respond if the undesired event occurs.

 

Staying is a calculated risk, not blind faith. If you know your partner has a drinking problem, you will have a bank account set aside for the family to use if the alcoholic loved one relapses. This isn’t punishment. It isn’t control. It’s risk management. Staying requires taking action to make staying less risky. 

 

If a beloved family pet bites you one day out of nowhere, you will always remember that this beloved pet is capable of biting again, even if completely unprovoked.

 

The same is true for betrayed partners and their addict partners.

After betrayal, we can make our CHOICE:

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C. Clarity

We see the situation as it truly is. Define the problem and the desired outcome clearly.

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H. Honesty

We are honest with ourselves about priorities, values, and trade-offs. We know our biases and course-correct wishful thinking.

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O. Options

We generate and evaluate possible courses of action. We look beyond the obvious for creative, potential alternatives.

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I. Insight

We draw on knowledge, intuition, and trusted input to weigh consequences and to align with our long-term goals.

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C. Confidence

We act on our decision with trust in our process and abilities. We remind ourselves that we can handle whatever may happen in the future.

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E. Engage

We take action decisively and follow through, learning and adjusting as needed.

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This Is Our CHOICE

To take back our choice, we must acknowledge that we HAVE choices and give ourselves permission to address our concerns in preparation for whatever may come.